Springfield Christmas

Mary dropped me off at Sheffield train station at 15:01.  At this moment, on Radio 4, Stephen Cleobury's choice of soloist treble chorister would be ringing "Once in royal David's city..." round Kings College, Cambridge.  I was heading to Leicester.

Clive T (there are two resident Clives, just to confuse everyone) picked me up, and Clive W settled me into a bedroom in the brothers' end.  I met Charlie Davis, who at five weeks looks like he's already in size 2 baby clothes.  Andy and Eva had friends round for an evening meal.  Afterwards we joined them, so everyone was gathered in the main lounge.  Since I judged that very little was expected of me, I ploughed into a recent book (Single Mission) on the challenges of singleness and Christian service.  Most folks opted to sample the midnight service at an outskirts parish church.  This included persuading the two Chinese students girls staying under a hosting arrangement to join in.  I chose an early night.

When the sunrise caught the cedar tree outside my window, I realised I couldn't work out the orientation of the house.  That's no surprise, I get muddled at home.  Annie had offered me a sack of sprouts to peel as contribution towards feeding the nearly 60 folks booked in for tea.  But when I appeared in the kitchen Clive was already on his 70th, much to the amusement of the sisters.  They obviously have some other way of gauging three or four each without actually counting.  He stopped at 170, but one rolled under the Aga. 

Springy are very organised, and ring a bell for meals - one of several spring-mounted on a board that summonsed the staff in the property's former existence.  There was Stilton with the bread and soup that constituted a quick snack lunch.  We broke into what Clive called a turtle cake, so thick with chocolate that it had to be turned over to cut portions.  Then we piled into the minibus and headed for the Cropston Reservoir car park of Bradgate Country Park. 

Clive had a missed call from Iain, who was heading up the Open Door Coventry party that we would be meeting up with.  It was too cold for them to hang around for us, and they'd already set off on their walk (blame the turtle cake).  I ambled along with Hamid, who'd come across from Birmingham to spend time with his in-laws-to-be.  We chatted about his work colleagues and their techie questionings about faith, and whether we've got it wrong about celibacy and the rising generation.

Pretty soon we read the signals that the children along with the families had had enough, and we headed back.  The sky was free of aircraft vapour trails.  I hadn't consciously noted that since visiting Bystrany in rural Slovakia.  Just then, Mary texted to say the Sheffield crew had just got back to the car park on their traditional walk. 


Tea was a splendid affair, with full roast and mince pies.  Hamid and I joined Clive and attacked the washing up.  We all gathered for a spontaneous worship time.  At around 8pm, the Coventry folks made their farewells.  Then we had a round of 'Empire', which must rate as the fastest-growing-in-popularity game around.  Caleb won, having sat inconspicuously in the corner throughout the entire proceedings.  The local folks made their ways home: suddenly it was quiet.  One by one, folks announced what they'd be doing between now and Sunday.  It wasn't leaving me many people to
talk to on Boxing Day, nor opportunity to practise a couple of songs with the resident musicians for the meeting I had to take.

No matter, tomorrow there was nearby Victoria Park to explore, with its several prescribed jogging routes: flat, too.  Before the snow.

Jesus Centre Managers' Forum

It's a meeting I look forward to.  Our Jesus Centres probably carry most autonomy of all our local activities.  So, we need intentional cooperation to prevent isolation, mission drift and 'reinventing the wheel'.  Every three months the managers come together, rotating the meetings between our four Centres.  The agenda is flexible, except at the end of year when we carry out a structured review, as befits an efficient charity.

This year we gathered against the backdrop of our financial pressures.  Two weeks ago, the Trustees' Exec met - for the first time since our establishment.  Chairman John had produced an excellent synopsis.  Treasurer Mike had reviewed and commented on the big-ticket items in each Centre's 2015 budgets.

Overnight, following the Financial Summit, I'd stayed at Kings House.  I'd pleasantly spent the evening with Andrew, Ellen and crew.  First thing in the morning I'd texted birthday greetings to her and Kat - they're seven years apart.  (Vodaphone let me down on the second text, but that's a whole nother story.)

On the way to Central Offices, I'd picked up a load of distribution from John Fervent's vending machine company customer.  The Forum meeting was eased along with samples of (lurid pink) green tea and peach cordial, pomegranate juice, and Mars mixtures.  The remainder will find its way to Sheffield Jesus Centre.

We have two tricky objectives to meet: to continue to enable the vision for congregations to run Centres, and to ensure these are sustainable.  So, it's expansion and consolidation at the same time, with the seeming contradiction this implies.  John spoke of the difference between limbs being lopped off and being pruned.  He steered us through the financial constraints (nothing new to the voluntary sector!), and income targets.

Then on to the work on the ground.  Each Centre was able to report progress in 2014, though successes weren't equal.  The common thread is a drift away from fully meeting annual costs, and a sense that we're on the limit with volunteer input.  So the message really is one of resetting our expectations so we live within our means - in the total meaning of the expression.  And communicating this positively, while aspiring to be more effective with what we've got.  Finally, after a couple of years of frustration, opening a Centre in Birmingham is now within our reach.

After lunch it was time to fix our objectives, likely obstacles and mitigation for 2015.  Managers are emerging as teams getting on top their responsibilities.  Northampton Jesus Centre now has strong local staff, London is looking brighter, Coventry have freshened up their service offerings and Sheffield now tends to a measure of realism.

So, much to do.  For me it starts with our own local Management Committee Exec meeting this  Sunday, followed by Coventry's equivalent on Monday evening.  But we're all in it together, and God's in it, too.
 

G14 Financial Summit 2

There were no helicopters, motorcycle police, barricades or press.  The simple wooden sign confirmed this was the right place.  I parked under the dark trees and found my way into the building through a back door.   To the right, Sam's breakfast of fried eggs on toast smelled delicious (especially since I'd left home before 6am).  To the left, Andrea was loading a washing machine.  I ducked through a low doorway and into Anthem's large lounge. 

This was review day, when all the Exec groups reported back on 2015's budget exercise.  Steve Line, our former audit partner, stepped briskly into the room  and shook hands with all present.  Huw, sitting beside me with a grave expression, was fidgeting.  Jan positioned himself  - probably unnecessarily - on a back row bench.  Hilary gave out neatly clipped bundles of paper for those who hadn't studied their advance copies.  Mick started us off with a song, scripture reading and prayer.  Ed, co-chairing, invited Steve to open.

"I've lost sleep over what I've found here," he announced, referring to Hilary's pack of reports.  "You have some major decisions to make.  It's not all about cost cutting.  It's about heart and head, and which you'll follow.  You share a DNA, and you can all give reasons why things shouldn't change.  And I've known you all long enough to say that you're very good at talking round things, and then doing nothing about them."

"The best way I can describe it is like a funnel, out of which you need to squeeze some results.  But first you have to put in some weighty decisions, like whether you see yourselves - the whole Church community - as custodians or innovators?  These provide the pressure onto your commitments, strategies and actions.  Do your top level Execs make these decisions?"  Steve's emphasis on 'make' suggested that he knew jolly well...

"As we go through these reports and analyses, I suggest you ask, 'So what?'.  'So what?' if you have low community house occupancy, less than a full weeks' wages, etc.  Like I said, it's heart and mind.  I'm here perhaps just to give an outside perspective.  You'll find that uncomfortable.  And I shall make it uncomfortable, or else you'll do nothing."  'Nemesis' may have been the word Steve used, but he was being a good friend.

The Exec reports and analyses were uniformly excellent.  As Steve had predicted, the community issues provoked most cross-conversation, because they were closest to home.   Folks feel more distanced or detached from various Jesus Centres or business subsidiaries.  By now, Huw was looking even grimmer.

Ed ruthlessly drove each agreed decision marker to an action point, and named a responsible person or group.  Steve insisted that the communication of decisions to all involved - across the Church - must improve.  There was tension: it's true there's been buck-passing, stalling and indecision.  Some of us 'retired' business executives, like Kelly, Ed and I, have made our presence more evident among the not-for-profit entities.  I have to say that there's begun to be a sharper culture, but it's only a start.

We wound down to whether and when we should meet again to pick up progress.  Steve, probably feeling that a good day's work was about to slip through our fingers, interrupted: "No later than the end of March."  Then, even with a nice buffet lunch waiting, he apologised for leaving abruptly, 'to get an afternoon nap'.  That man deserves a quality Xmas hamper from Goodness Foods: I hope Ed made a note.

The Big Bonfire

I admit that that I was a bit sceptical.  The Big Pick had proved a popular success, so it seemed irresistible to produce a sequel. 

I've spent hours talking down leadership teams from repeating programmes for evangelism campaigns or other events, just become the last one worked well.  If you happen to have hit what the Holy Spirit's turned up and blessed, then find what may similarly be the case for your next event.  The Holy Spirit doesn't work to formula.  However, I was told there was another reason: some folks wanted to see if we could hold a major event that didn't cost £20,000.

Mary and I were due to be in Coventry for the weekend, and Promise household had pitched to be at the Bonfire, so we were happy to go along.  Viv hitched a lift, too.

Even at the advertised start time, 4.30pm, Cornhill was bitingly cold and in total darkness.  Well, a big shout for the folks who had set everything up.  There were two strings of lights, tables of drink and food laid on, and the bonfire site was nicely cordoned off, including a semicircle of benches.  Folks were arriving for well over an hour, milling around chatting and periodically cosying up to the heat to thaw out.

Then the guitars came out and we had a session of worship.  Yes, it was good to be together like this - a few from Brighton, London and Birmingham, most of Leicester and Coventry as well as the Northampton locals.

Mary and I got to Promise in time for some supper, and the guest bedroom was as warm as anyone could wish.

I led the Sunday morning event at the Jesus Centre, and Gav and the team made a good job of my (customarily) challenging choice of songs.

 Lunch was the periodic all-congregation event, this time hosted by Kings.  A few dropped out on the way, but the big lounge and all the ground floor rooms were cheerily full.  I overheard it mourned that come next year, the congregation will likely have no equivalent sizeable property. 

Mary chipped off to see Andrew, Ellen and the crew nearby.  Meanwhile Nick fired up his '0' gauge genuine steam train in the Gate, and soon had a crowd of admirers.  As if appropriate for the weekend, his enthusiasm triggered the smoke detector and set off the fire alarm.  So, copy that.

ACCELERATE (Sheffield Jesus Centre) November 2014 - Thoughts on Prayer

Thoughts on Individual Prayer

1. Practise brutal honesty
See Jacob’s struggle into reality [Genesis 32:22-31] 
The ‘impaired life’ - Jacob's limp

2. Move beyond temperamental ruts
Learn from Father - we are made in His image, not the other way round

3. Being reconciled to God
We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God.  (2 Corinthians 5:20 )
Written to Christians!

4. The discipline of “No”
Don't be an ‘Amateur providence’: Martha (John chapter 11) had it all worked out...

 Thoughts on Corporate Prayer

1. Reconciled into one purpose
Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.  Do not put out the Spirit's fire  (1 Thessalonians 5:16-19 )

2. Priesthood
I urge, then, first of all, that requests, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for everyone --  for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness.  This is good, and pleases God our Saviour, who wants all men to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth.  For there is one God and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus,  (1 Timothy 2:1-5 )
A priest secures a blessing from God that the person can't reach into by themselves. 

3. Prayer of Agreement
Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven.  (Matthew 18:19 )

4. Faith stretching
“Thou art coming to a King, Large petitions with thee bring;” (John Newton)

Community Weekend

Steven had the most emphatic ideas.  "We'll spend Friday night at home - no phones, no knitting.  And we're NOT going to the Peak District on Saturday.  We can have a work morning, and all do some games in the afternoon."  He wasn't even prepared to concede that the games should be at the Jesus Centre, where Jamie could get out the table tennis table.  But Steven did at least agree to be the MC.

I'd resolved that this was the ideal chance to clear out the overgrown laurels by the front lawn.  We had James and Jon from Grimsby staying over.  I needed to find time in advance to get some stuff cut down so the rest of the team would follow on clearing it away.  Jack planned to wash and vac the cars so Grace and Faith could help.

As the weekend approached, Steven, representing the guys generally, faced some challenges - especially the 'no knitting'.  "We've got this blanket to finish, to send off to Iraqi Christians..."   So, Men Alive for God had brought us extreme mountain biking in Skye, plunging into icy Welsh lakes, manic downhill-running, blizzards in the Italian Alps, and martyrdom.  And we were planning to spend the weekend crocheting.

I'm a dangerous person when pushed to an ultimatum.  Kelly had mentioned previously that if I ever needed a long-reach powered hedge cutter, he could lend me one.  He also threw in a 21 foot telescopic pruning saw.  Ultimate crochet hooks.

Friday morning was clear enough to make a start.  At 10.00am I broke off for a Skype conference call with Ed, Desmond and Colney - the Multiply International Exec - to sort out the 2015 budget.  Then Kat turned up with Zeb and Zane, and proposed a jog while Mary gave the boys lunch.  I'm not going out with her again: she drove us to 5k in 33 minutes, three minutes less than my latest best.

The Friday evening 'at home' worked fine.  We did the icebreaker in which you declare three things about your past, two being true, and one fabricated - which the rest of the room guesses at.   People have done some funny things.  Andrzej did a video interview with Pope John Paul II; Mary got sawn in half on stage; James died and had to be resuscitated when he was six.  I was a bit offended that they didn't believe that I'd had a painting exhibited in Hull's Ferens Art Gallery, nor at one time had been a professional model.

Saturday morning was clear, too, and the team did a great job.  We rescued Barrie, who overtoppled with the hedge cutter.  Titus and Silas joined in raking and sweeping.  After lunch the Congregational Development Group met, including Phil and Donna.  Then Steven launched us into round of 'Empires' that had gone so well at Kings.  The unlikely Lois won - it pays to avoid attention for as long as you can.  Malcolm led the household meeting in rather more serious discussions about community.

Mary and I had offered to play host for Phil and Donna down at No25, as we'd run out of accommodation at home.  In bed I found out how many aching limbs I'd earned in the garden.  And there's still the holly to tackle.

Men Alive For God Special 2014

We needed to pep up this annual event, usually held in Spring.  We aimed to invite a special speaker, but Carl Beech wasn't available until late in the year.  That gave us more time to prepare, which improved the result.  We also invited Kings Church Chatham guys to jointly run the afternoon workshops.

I had a coffee with Carl at Sheffield Jesus Centre about a month ago.  He told me about the work of Christian Vision for Men (it's been running for about ten years), and I tracked down a local group that meets monthly at Network Church Philadelphia.  We got our publicity right for the Saturday event and three guys from the Lounge Drop-In travelled down to in our minibus to Northampton Jesus Centre.  Mick led the morning session and recounted the story of Alfred Nobel - the promoter of explosives - when he read a premature obituary, and changed his ways (and will). 

There was a good mix of afternoon workshops.  I stuck around with James and Jon, from Grimsby, for the first session on leadership.  We got interviewed by Mary, from Kings, which wasn't a usual experience for Jon.  After than I went to the session on serving God in daily work.  It's true, I haven't really given retirement a chance.  I chatted with Tim, JFLT Treasurer, over tea - there's sadly much to share about 2015 budgets.

We warmed up the evening session with video of a bunch of our guys climbing Cader Idris and ending up in an icy quarry pool.  Carl came across well, and has a strong message basis to his colourful presentation.  "Testosterone" proved something of overworn cry over the remainder of the weekend (our fault, not his - but check out the Gloucestershire cheese rolling video for a sample).  Carl is moving on to a church planting role with Elim in the New Year.  I diverted to Leicester for the night as Mary and I were due to spend a bit of time with the Springfield saints. 

On Sunday, I joined the leaders' breakfast time and then took the morning meeting at Netherhall.  Andy pointed out that I'd still got a bit of a cough (from our stay over a month ago), so I had a cosy afternoon doze in the armchair by the wood stove.   Andy led a thoughtful evening house-group meeting, and then Mary and I headed home to catch the end of our supper scene.  Caleb's and Karen's little boy safely arrived at 1 in the morning: a welcome new single brother resident at Springy!

Broomhall Community Choir One Year On

Margaret was excited: "We're holding a Remembrance Service here at St Andrews, and the Minister would like the Choir to sing."  So, as the day drew near, we had to rehearse, and rehearse, and refine. 

Steve, our choirmaster proposed a vote on including some World War I favourites, and Keep the Home Fires Burning won.  The remainder of the morning's offering was drawn from our current repertoire: Tebe Poem by Dmitry Bortniansky, Locus Iste by Anton Bruckner, Mozart's Ave Verum (K618), and God So Loved the World from John Stainer's Crucifixion.  Perhaps the biggest challenge was that first two items would be unaccompanied.

We gathered an hour early to finalise seating and warm up our bronchials.  Everyone was remarkably friendly.  St Andrews lost their full-time minister last year.  Sarah was quite a catalyst in the local scene, and I hadn't met Robert, her successor.   For this Armistice Day event, there was a screen set up at the front, and Robert stood to one side to lead the proceedings.

The music went well.  Barrie stayed on afterwards to listen to the recording, and was impressed.  As the two-minute silence approached, Robert, wearing a white poppy, read a long poem while suitable historical pictures played out on the screen.  The message seemed to be: we decline to mention that WWI was deemed to be "to God's glory", but don't mind commending sacrifice as a principle; and, things haven't travelled too well for Christian religious sentiment (universally amongst the young) in the century that's followed - un-British Islam's ascendancy is driving us to greater humility.  Hmmm.  (I wish I could find the original, but URC's website hasn't helped.)

Steve didn't stay for refreshments, so I sent him a text congratulating him on where he's got the Choir to in 12 months.  I guess it'll be carols at the Sheffield University's main Firth Hall before the year is out, too.

Healing

I came back from East Africa to find that our Sheffield congregation Sunday night gospel event had fallen apart.  Thereafter, we've attempted some household-based activities.  For Royal Standard this means a bible study in the Lounge at the Jesus Centre.  Thus far the themes have been drawn from our Church statement of faith booklet, and different leaders have introduced the studies. 

I recently did a session on sacraments, and we found some stimulating stuff about the real presence, and the Radical Reformation position that the mean elements represented by the gathered people of God become, by the Holy Spirit's metabole, the Body Of Christ - broken break and poured out wine for the world.  But I digress.

Malcolm was at the end of a study on healing, and we seemed to be just warming to the subject.  I offered to do a follow-on session in workshop format.  So, week one we looked at Jesus' healing ministry: there are 41 recorded incidents in the gospels, with different 'methods'.  I prayed for Barrie's painful leg, then handed over to Steven and Paul to pray for Jamie's.  And so we went along.  Folks were getting to 'do the stuff', including anointing with oil.

Week two, we looked at the healing ministry of the disciples in the gospels and also the early church.  Then more 'practicals'.  Barrie's leg was in the frame again, but this time we prayed for his hip, too, with more success.  Natalie, who's been coming around since the summer, was buzzing to have been involved in the prayer.  John, our 80-something outspoken pentecostal visitor, was having tummy troubles and so was next.  Mary's shoulder proved more resistant, and that led us to explore, helpfully, where fear and doubt hinder us in power ministry.

As we'd strayed into more subjective issues, I prepared some notes on inner healing for our third session.  "Holed below the waterline", was the expression I used.  One of our (increasing number of) visitors grunted his agreement.  When we got on to speaking of our problems to receive prayer, he related painful events from his teenage years, and was on the point of tears.  With a couple of the guys he went off somewhere quiet in the Centre.  He returned announcing he'd been sitting on these incidents for over twenty years, and was amazed at the events of the evening.  Jesus remains our healer.

Sheffield Hallam ESRC Festival

Kevin dropped an A3 preview programme on my desk.  Since we've upped our sights in Jesus Centre networking, we want to talk to people with cheque books, not agencies like our own holding out begging bowls.  Hallam Uni joining with the Economic and Social Research Council in a week of charity-related presentations sounded ideal.  I booked for the Thursday session on Outcomes Measurements for Service Commissioners and the Friday one on Charity Legislation and Accounting Regulations.  It may not be your idea of fun, but as vice-Chair of Jesus Army Charitable Trust, I have to keep up to date with trustee matters.  Commissioners, by the way, are groups appointed by every local Council and NHS Trust to distribute their budgets towards what they see to be the priority services and interventions.
 
I caught the Supertram to the Source, Meadowhall, for the first event.  I entered a noisy teaching room of public- and voluntary-sector professionals, and quickly grabbed the day's information pack and some coffee.   Okay, let's get the biased demography over:  the majority were high horsepower middle-aged women in black office somethings, and I guessed a good number were divorced but dedicated to running other peoples' lives.

The presentations began with a summary of academic-led outcomes measurement work undertaken with Doncaster Council.  Here I must display another prejudice.  You see, I lectured for over five years.  Steve Rumsden, my senior colleague, invigilated my first class.  "Yea, you've got it," he concluded.  "You can make 40 minutes worth of material spin out for an hour."  So we had an hour's powerpoint that amounted to, well, "We made up a questionnaire, and it got us some feedback".

The second set of presentations was about a scheme in Rotherham by which GPs can prescribe a range of social measures to complement medical ones.  So, if a patient's wellbeing would benefit from increased contact with other people, they can be referred to a befriending service.  Here I pricked up my ears, because  our Jesus Centres probably deliver a bunch of services that could be recognised in this category.  The academic angle again was again somewhat underwhelming - they'd programmed some follow-up phone calls. 

Any way, after chatting to various people over lunch, I determined to contact Voluntary Action Sheffield, who are probably most in touch with the various commissioners in the city.  Lest you consider I've been harsh about the outcomes measures, I concede it's difficult to get right.

Which brings me to the Friday event, held at the Hallam main city-centre campus.  By comparison with Thursday, it was a positive introvert-fest.  It appears the on-line booking system had a glitch, and I'd effectively gatecrashed an invitation-only private function.  No matter.  We wheeled into the history of charity regulation in Ireland, and then a detailed qualitative study on the narrative section in charity annual accounts that's designed to demonstrate public benefit.  We went on to consider new regulation in Scotland, and about-to-be-introduced proposals in Northern Ireland. 

The quiet conversations over coffee were on a peer-to-peer level with people at the top of their game.  I noticed discreet lapel badges betokening Christian commitment.

We sauntered off the the Uni's showpiece restaurant for lunch.  The afternoon concentrated on audit findings and implications in the light of SORP 2015, and group work to suggest regulation and standards improvements to feed back to various professional bodies.  Then a final presentation concluded, from a survey involving 179 nations, that the time may be right for a global approach to charity reporting.  It appears that many recipient nations get bullied by donors, and would appreciate a level playing field.  Maybe that's something for me to do as a retirement project if Multiply funds run further short.

The good news is that our Church not-for-profit entities' annual returns seem to score well.  But its going to get more complicated.

42 Collegiate Crescent

I get Sheffield Hallam Uni's monthly business-related e-magazine, and noticed an invitation to visit their new £27M 'Heart of the Campus' facility.  It's sort of "our neighbours' new extension", so I didn't feel the need to adopt any official capacity to accept the offer.

For over a year there's been evident construction work on the go.  But I didn't realise they'd bored down 700 meters for a ground source heat pump installation.   Beyond much environmental high-tech, the whole functional layout is impressive.  On a relatively small footprint they've set up extensive teaching rooms, staff/faculty areas, a huge open-plan concourse with cafe and SU, and substantial gym and sports facility.  There's even a fully equipped courtroom for the law studies students.  My teaching experience was housed in separate blocks for each function.  Such intense usage would create noise problems, and they've introduced extra lowered ceilings to suppress echo/reverb and give the larger spaces a more intimate scale. 

We had a good nosey into the gym, and I found that local residents can sign up for £14 per month.  That's hard to beat - and resist - when it's just a few minutes' walk away.  Then we went to the top floor, where the staff have an enviable roof-top balcony overlooking the east city centre. 

I had to decline the full meal that followed the presentation and tour, as Mary and I were due to go to Phil's and Donna's for our 'Wednesday Agape'.  But there are other events to follow.  Hallam boasts to be the most modern campus in the country (and it's one of the biggest Unis).   I told the organiser that whatever their community liaison team had been doing over the years had worked.  We no longer get drunken revellers pushing the coping stones off our garden wall in the early hours of the morning.  She didn't seem impressed.    

Multiply UK Leaders Conference (MUKL) 2014

Trapped by my now-officially more prominent role in Multiply, I ended up on the planning team for MUKL.  And anyway, they met in my office.  So I was ahead of the game when we sounded out Kings Church Medway if they'd act as hosts, and delighted that they readily agreed. 

The shift of the venue to Kent raised a challenge for folks who customarily like to attend but who live north of Watford.  Even the Northamptonshire Church contingent would have to leave at 7am.   Claire was quick to spot my dilemma; "You and Mary must stay overnight with us at River."   Great - we took the invitation to extend the weekend to spend Sunday morning with the Coventry saints.  But others didn't cope so well, and Hannah had to cancel the comfortable coach we booked in favour of two minibuses (ah - economy). 

Ed (also co-opted, like me), Iain and Pastor Andrew, who was over from Uganda for two weeks' 'Leadership Hosting', visited Kings Church in September to cover the practical issues.  Desmond, new Chair of Multiply International Exec, had had to cancel his return travel plans to Sierra Leone and so agreed to head up the morning teaching.

Steven had attended last year, and was keen to come with us, and Jamie was up for it too.  So, Friday teatime and evening found us comfortably spread around River's lounge appreciating the local saints, and abundance of chocolate.  I heard Andy Lantsbery come home at 1am after he'd been evangelising in Birmingham, even though he was our early morning driver.  Hardcore.

Kings Church were on a high.  They'd just started to move into their new community house bang opposite the church and next door to their Caring Hands outreach ministry and initial shared house premises.  "The church is winning," was the spirit.  Their community contingent is now about 60 strong, and circumstances around the property auction and free remodelling of their grounds indeed speak of the Lord's favour.  During the lunch break we had a guided tour.

Kings Church leader Mat Guest led the afternoon session, complete with a great band arrangement of Hillsongs 'Oceans'.  Mat made the hard-to-argue-with statement: "You must change, that's the start of the church changing, and we impact change on the world, by which the church grows (with new people)".   Whew; so why do we hunker down in our holy huddles?

Of course in all the buzz, we were late leaving.  And our foursome were similarly late arriving at Kings House, (in the middle of their Saturday evening get-together).  Sunday morning at Coventry Jesus Centre followed the format of their monthly evening celebration, with full band and baptisms.  Their faith is on a rising trajectory, too.  Yes, Christians are winning.

Who We Are

22:13 "You're on TV! :)", Kat's SMS text announced.  Yes, it was the long-awaited Jesus Army episode of Grayson Perry's Wednesday night Channel 4 series.  There'd been a brief anticipation of the content and flavour the night before around the Agape table.  "It won't affect us, we don't have a television."  Groan.

Andrew, Ellen and the boys were staying overnight with Kat.  I diverted my morning jog to call in.  Without glasses, I'd mistaken a neighbour out walking her dog and small child for Ellen with Holly and Ryan.  After demonstrably attracting their attention, I realised my blunder and swiftly crossed the road.

Ben and Faye were in the middle of breakfast.  "I'd just come round to explain that Granddad was on the tele again last night.  Such an embarrassment."  Ben was gracious: "'S alright."  Zane offered a hug.

I'd forgotten the 2013 Alive Festival Weekend when I'd led some baptisms, and got caught on camera.  Later, catching up with the programme, I found that Grayson felt deprived of 'the numinous' by our Living Stones community house's decor.   (You can find the episode on http://www.channel4.com/programmes/grayson-perry-who-are-you/4od#3777327 .)  "Christianity stripped bare," he continues. 

Actually I'm quite pleased with that.  I recognise that within philosophy, aesthetics is probably the most fruitful field in which to debate the existence, person and nature of God.  I've even dipped into Aristotle, Kant and Schiller on the subject.  Respect: Grayson is quite a seeker.

The Big Pick

Sheffield Praise Day - the whole Church celebrating indoors; the Big Pick - out in creation enjoying the massive fruit harvest.  It may seem crazy to drive from Sheffield to Northampton just to pick apples, but that's only part of the purpose.  (Even when the sixth core value I've adopted is: "earn all you can; save all you can; and spend nowt.")  This was a 'Zion' occasion, the community heart of the Church.

Monday afternoon 11 August found a national leaders' event in progress at Cornhill.  There was a sudden intense hailstorm.  It dimpled the skin on the nearby apple crop, and wrote £20,000 off its market value.  However, we have a second product string to our New Creation Farm bow, which is pure apple juice.

 If we could get the crop harvested and sent for pressing we'd save some of the lost revenue.  So, picking wasn't the "treat 'em like eggs" procedure that I recall from several other years.  We had big crates to fill, and you could throw down the picked apples in handfuls.

The sun was glorious, but the unusually warm October was giving way to something more average.  And the orchard fields were muddy!  We'd brought along Nkakasang from Botswana and her friend - suitably togged up - and a bunch of Eritreans.   Titus was delighted to find that the fruit at the treetops also needing picking, and spent much of the time swinging from branch to branch.

We broke for a tea break in the grading shed yard, where a phalax of barbecues and trestle tables were being laid out for the bring-and-share lunch later.  Then we crossed to fields near the rail line.  I hadn't been to these rows for some years, when I remember they were planted with soft fruits like blackcurrant.  In between I caught up with Ralph about a trip to visit Sokie in Malaysia, and tackled Huw, our caretaker Apostolic Leader, about another key leaders meeting in Sheffield.

Jimmie Norden (of Zambia fame) had borrowed a drone to do some overhead videoing. (You can catch the whole production at http://jesus.org.uk/videos/special-short/new-creation-farm-view-above).  Then the call was, "Lunch time!", and the tractors came to cart away our efforts.  No-one seemed in a hurry to rush home.  After, Andy Lantsbery, the fruit 'manager', told me we'd lifted 30 tons.  It's an interesting life we've chosen.

Sheffield Praise Day 2014

The roll-out starts on Thursday, when the carpets go down in Ponds Forge's main auditorium.  I'm becoming a veteran at this, but was trapped between driving back up the M1 after two days of meetings and the earlier start arranged for the job.   Jamie was game to give a hand, and it turned out that Pastor Freddie, who uses the Jesus Centre for his Sunday church events, brought a bunch of his guys, too.  So we made cracking progress.  We were finished soon after 10pm, which is a whole lot better than the midnight or later of previous years.

On Friday, while the Untamed bus and evangelism crew were in the city centre again, Carl Beech dropped in for coffee at the Jesus Centre.  He's (until the end of the year) the front man of Christian Vision for Men, and he's speaking at the evening event at our next Men Alive for God day.  You can catch him on Premier Radio's regular Sunday Shed Talk programme. 

Empower, Sheffield's quarterly inter-church prayer event, was booked for 24 hours from 7pm Friday until 7pm Saturday.  I got along towards 9pm and stayed until towards 2am.  In a group with folks from Rotherham, we prayed about the churches' response to the recent abuse cases, trying to get behind the media portrayals.  After midnight the worship lead music went acapella: I don't know if 'St Phily' has a late-night 'no noise' restriction like our Jesus Centre.  Next year we'll see if we can prevent the diary overlap.

Clare had flown in from Gibraltar for the weekend, and we'd promised a chat over coffee, as we'd done at London Day in Trafalgar Square.  She arrived at breakfast time, and four of us - including Mary and Steven - spent the morning catching up.  Meanwhile, the house was buzzing with other folks who'd arranged to stay, and No25 was packed with the techie set-up team 'indoor camping'.

When lunchtime arrived at Ponds Forge, most of the back section of bleacher banked seating was roped off so folks didn't spread out too thinly across the hall.   Sadly, the number attending never justified opening up these seats, and it's clear that the event now runs under with under 1,000 folks present.  The afternoon session concentrated on our five core values: Holy Spirit life and movement, new humanity brotherhood, sacrificial love, a culture of sharing, and mission focus.

 In the evening, we found out why the chairs on the floor has been laid out with a circular perimeter.  From above, the layout formed the Arabic letter nun.  At Praise Day we stand with the persecuted church, and the Middle East was in focus.

Back home, over supper we shared about the highlights of the whole event and the evangelism campaign of the preceding days.  A good number of our Jesus Centre Lounge drop-in had attended and got on well.  The presentations were worthy of a packed meeting, but that's part of a bigger challenge of adjustment.

Financial Summit

Ed was behind it all.  He bumped into Steve Line, who had been our audit manager for a dozen or so years, first with Coopers and Lybrand and latterly with Grant Thornton.  "How're are things going?", Steve had naturally enquired.  Ed was honest.  "We're in a bit of a pickle, with Church business profits on a downward trend (if there at all), and New Creation Christian Community struggling to pay its way as comfortably as we've been used to.  The result is that we're stumped for giving to our charitable Church and Jesus Centres work at the scale we'd like to." 

This was nothing new to our Church members, as the whole situation had been carefully explained at Annual Church Convocation in August.  What to do about it - for the best - was the tricky question. 

Steve, since moving out of 'the profession', has been running an innovative business that recycles carbon fibre.  "Hah, I've found that doing the stuff is a lot different from just giving advice," he sympathised.  "But, keep in touch."  His personalised number-plate Porsche suggested he'd mastered the challenges nicely.

So, late September found about 16 of us, charged with the care of our overall finances, spending the best part of a day chewing things through with Steve.  He was direct and penetrating.  "So, where would you like to be with things in five years' time?" "Whoa!  When I pop along to church there's no chance of getting away without putting something in 'the plate'."  "I detect turmoil!"  "If you ask me, that's a no-brainer."

We'd done an impressive job of condensing the mass of figures and graphs, getting them into everyone's hands in advance, and thus leaving the bulk of the time for deliberation.  Very significantly, we'd also done an exercise to sift through the priorities for saving expenditure so we don't damage emerging future ministry.  (That's now gone to 100 wider members for further evaluation.)  But - painfully - 2015 budgets are going to have more than a whiff of Chancellor of the Exchequer austerity flavour.  Maybe not a bad thing, as we are meant to be a church of the people, and 'community bubble' is an expression you hear around. 

Steven's final conclusion was that across all our entities we hadn't adequately trained up our 'succeeding generation', and were feeling the stress.  We've set up different Exec meetings to shape our responses across our various bits and pieces -'entities' - (businesses, community house common purses, congregational regional funds, Jesus Centres, central events and departments and so on).  Steve's promised to come back and hold a review before the end of the year.  I hope we don't flinch.

Adelphi and Other Scouse Gems

So, a slimmer Church diary for September.  The Sheffield leaders decided to join with Liverpool for a day on the freed-up weekend.  Mick had already arranged to take Birmingham saints there, too, and to do some evangelism.  Because it made sense to catch the Uni Freshers Week, we agreed on the Saturday a week behind the remainder of the Church's Regional get-togethers.  The Liverpool saints staged a coach campaign, and booked a function room for a Saturday evening event. 

Thus the early morning found us heading for Snake Pass.  The sunshine had raised a covering of mist on Derwent reservoir.  We took a short diversion to enjoy different perspectives.  The satnav got us straight to the car parking adjacent to St Johns Gardens, opposite the Museum and Library.  First off we met Colin and Carley, a couple from Fleetwood who are aiming to get married at Cornerstone early in the New Year. 

An interesting place the Gardens, with a central statue that looks as if it has a pigeon permanently perched on its head.  It turns out to be a plume adorning the helmet.  We enjoyed chatting until lunch, after which folks were encouraged to disperse for the afternoon into the nearby city centre.  I sat on the wall that runs around the Gardens with my guitar and sang some favourite songs.  This was a welcome creative interlude after a week of wearing my Jesus Centre admin head. 

Groups of families were parking up to visit the Museum or Library, and folks seemed to appreciate my efforts as I nodded a welcome.  A bunch of guys dropped some pound coins into the polystyrene cup that contained my half-finished tea. 

We had our picnic tea in the Gardens and exchanged stories about the afternoon.  As the evening chill began to take the edge off the welcome sunshine, we sauntered across the Lime Street Station concourse to the Adelphi Hotel.  I'm always amazed at the contrast between the two maritime cities of Hull, my birthplace, and Liverpool.  The extravagant architecture and decor of the hotel speaks of prosperity and cultural aspiration that's somewhat foreign to flat-footed Humberside.

The evening event buzzed along nicely, led by Loz.  A couple of folks met during the afternoon had made it, too.  A guy from the Uni, armed with a reel tape recorder, added our worship to his catalogue for a media studies assignment.  Altogether it was a great boost for the local Lighthouse saints.

We walked back to the parked car past a pub advertising 'full Irish breakfast'.  Interesting place, Liverpool.

Regions and Empires

When we simplified the 2014 Church diary, we dropped the September North/South half-church celebration meeting.  However, in our typical wanting-it-both-ways manner, we encouraged Regions to arrange something that would bring folks together.  I hinted to the Warwickshire and Leicester leaders that a joint event at Coventry Jesus Centre may nicely fit the bill.  They weren't up for anything as 'set-piece', and decided just to mix up households for something on the Saturday afternoon and evening. 

I had a vested interest, because it was a weekend that Mary and I were due to be in Coventry.  And every visit to Kings House is drawing nearer to our final one when the Church closes it down.  We took Steven and Jamie in tow.  Folks from Spingfield trickled in after lunch.  It turned out that most of the guys had gone for some hairy overnight adventure to celebrate Caleb's birthday.  The weather was indifferent, so not an ideal day for activities outdoors.   

James was in charge of divertisements, and launched us into a game of 'Empires'.  I hesitate to explain the rules exactly.  It starts with everyone conceiving an alias and the MC sticking up the choices (must be unique) on post-it notes without leaking any real identities.  The youngest in the room kicks off the questions. "Mary, are you Florence Nightingale?" If "No", then Mary takes over the questioning.  If "Yes", then Mary joins the questioner's empire (and is basically exempted from any further active part in the game).  If you're lucky enough to guess the identity of someone who already has a budding empire, then they all come over into yours.  To keep the questioning moving, the MC should allow about 15 seconds for thought.  So you're best to line up a couple of next potential questions/candidates.  The typical final outcome is that one person scoops the whole room, and is declared the undisputed winner. 

It's intriguing at several levels.  First, who do you choose as your alias.  The younger children just tended to opt for fictional characters - say, Harry Potter or Postman Pat.  The older folks tended to opt for someone they thought would be universally recognised, so there wasn't an obvious traceable link.  It didn't always work because of the generational assumption: like, Reginald Bosanquet.  Reginald Bosanquet???  Ah, almost before colour television.  The devious picked someone less commonplace - Nicolas Cage, Angela Merkel.  But equally the field of interest may give you away.  Justin Bieber won, with Alexander Fleming proving resistant, and Xerxes baffling several early questioners.

It was the most effective icebreaker I've ever met.  When you've exhausted asking your friends (and mostly guessing wrongly), you're driven to propositioning folks you've never seen or spoken to before.  And risking exposing your impressions of them!  Then, for the highly competitive, there are subtle tactics, like asking someone if they are your alias, so folks are put off the scent.  At least, that's how we played it.  Next time I think I fancy Jessica Ennis.

Apostolic Ventures (Bank Holiday Festival)

Here's the 'Power' Festival Weekend ministry from Monday 27 May 2014.

1. The apostolic church recognises a call in its generation to specific people groups and/or locations.
2. Understands that the unit that God works through is the gathered Body of Christ, so skillfully builds the church.
3. It's God's instrument for heralding the gospel of redemption in Christ and transformation in the Holy Spirit.

Other ministries may be content merely to see the church flourish.
To the apostolic, this is like a fire engine that never leaves the station for a blaze.

Venture 1) In 2013, our greatest number of new members came from 'friends' (4/10) and family (2/10). 
How can you give time to connect with such folks?

Venture 2) Next (2/10), were contacted through our Jesus Centres.
Are you making best use of volunteering opportunities, and Jesus Centre groups with gospel slant?

Venture 3) Our MILC (Multiply International Leaders' Conference) delegates testified to the power of prayer. 
By prayer they found direction, grasped opportunities, and overcame difficulties.

Kiran (India) related how he was led to go with his team to an unevangelised village and ask for the 'postman'.  On arrival, the man was found to be seriously ill - in fact, unconscious.  Kiran was annoyed at this seeming dead-end.  Turning to leave, the man's wife asked if they could pray.  Kiran hadn't got as far as 'Amen', before the man stirred and sat up.  The family came to faith, and now there's a thriving church in the village.  

Venture 4) They also testified to the effectiveness of releasing those with evangelism gifts in teams with complementary ministries.
This means churches keep growing after the initial burst of new-planting growth.

Daniel (Kenya) and David (Sierra Leone) engage teams with specific gifts to make initial contact with folks, follow them up, and so on.

Venture 5) Who are the people on God's heart?  Churches have prayed and asked God to bring to mind contacts' names, before inviting them to events.
This builds faith that there's a specific local mission field already in His purposes.

Some of our church households have made a point of giving specific personal invitations to suitable events, rather than sticking with general publicity or vague announcements at other meetings.

Acts 18:9  One night the Lord spoke to Paul in a vision: "Do not be afraid; keep on speaking, do not be silent. 10 For I am with you, and no one is going to attack and harm you, because I have many people in this city." 11 So Paul stayed for a year and a half, teaching them the word of God.

Leaves on the Line

Two Jesus Centre meetings to attend on Friday: Finance Group in the morning and Centre Managers' Forum in the afternoon, both conveniently held at Coventry.

I'd been to Kettering by train on Thursday, for our monthly Apostolic Team get-together, and picked up a return ticket for Coventry on my way home.  A bunch of our Eritrean Sunday congregation attenders had prepared tea and invited several friends.  Keith and Kristia were there too, up from London for their daughter's wedding at the weekend. 

Keith aims to retire from doctoring in a couple of years, and is setting up a horticultural project under the Assembly's 'One Planet, One Wales' initiative.  He was keen for advice about cooperative business, sustainability, etc.  Some time it would be nice to tootle over to Haverford to see what they're up to.

Friday morning didn't start well.  A few things were spinning in my head from the A Team meeting.  I had to call into the Jesus Centre to pick up a file of papers.  The handle broke on my briefcase (a mere 20 years old) as I walked to the station.  The journey was fine, including the section from Birmingham New Street to Coventry in a Virgin Pendalino.  They really are swish, with tarty blue cabin light providing an even better decor than an Emirates triple seven (Boeing 777 to non-flyers).

The Finance meeting, too, was fine, although attendance was down and even three of those who came excused themselves early.  JACT has made a lot of effort to improve financial 'sinews'. 

The other guys arrived for the Managers' meeting, and we chatted engagingly about photocopiers, Foodbanks, service promotion and spiritual impact.  We were impressed by Coventry's new programme of Friday night services.  Meanwhile, the sky darkened and the Well Cafe's panoramic view displayed impressive flashes of lightning. 

Our Facilities Manager Kevin had separately travelled from Sheffield, but we walked back to the station together.  The indicator board spelled trouble.  Some departures were flashing incomplete information, and arrivals were well delayed.  Kevin - a total railway buff - tried to find someone to explain.  We decided to take our chance and jump on the first service leaving for New Street.  It was packed and every seat was taken. 

"Hey!  Ian.  Just a minute - Ian Callard." A slightly grizzly baseball-capped guy addressed me.  "You don't know me, do you?"  I didn't.  "Harvest House, 1982...  Joe."  I really was no wiser.  He chatted on happily about folks he'd known, and how Mick had taken over from Noel.  And now?  "Well, life just overtakes you.  I'd like to meet Barney again, though," he added.

"Listen mate," Kevin barged in.  "Don't just say that, do something.  At our morning prayer time I had a word to say that on the way home I'd meet somebody to talk to about God.  He knew about you.  We weren't even supposed to be on the train!"  Joe softened.

We stopped at Birmingham International.  'This service is terminating here owning to a tree fallen on the line,' the PA announced.  (In fact the blockage was between Banbury and Leamington, but New Street station wasn't coping.)  We (three) shuffled across platforms and Kevin spoke to the lady next to him.  "This is the second time," she groaned.  "I was on the train immediately behind the one that got hit by the tree."  The afternoon's thunderstorm had a lot to answer for.

At Birmingham, we waved goodbye to Joe and found a delayed train heading for Sheffield via Derby.  If anybody has a spare hard briefcase, big enough to take two A4 files side-by-side, I'm keen to hear.

Regional Men's Adventure

For many years now, at this point in the annual calendar, we as a church have run a national event for men.  This year we've managed to get Carl Beech (Christian Vision for Men) to agree to come.  But he isn't free until November.  So we opted to run something regional rather than let the Saturday in Spring pass by.  Our ladies have a similar event - Accelerate - in two weeks' time.

Devising something that a mixed-age and mixed-ability group can all enjoy is something of a challenge.  When thinking of adventure, we invariably mean braving the elements and getting muddy somewhere out in the Peak District or Pennines.  Steven asked if something culturally adventurous may qualify.  He pointed out the Sheffield's public museum and art gallery may be just as stimulating as local limestone or gritstone.  In fact a year or so ago, he'd organised a very successful treasure hunt around places of public interest, which we completed on foot around the city centre.

I suggested Creswell Crags.  I - like most others - have never been.  It has varied points of interest, a tea shop, toilets and it isn't long journey.  Even Paul thought it may be tolerable.  It ran out of favour because it's only a small site, and 'some people' need a hike across several miles of forbidding rainlashed countryside to begin to warm up to excitement.  'Geo-caching' muttered the mud plodgers.

When I got back from Africa, the day had been highjacked.  No longer could I invite friends to a known civilised location of reputable worth.  Jack was up at unearthly hours for several mornings burning diesel in his flatbed truck round Upper Derwent.  The OS Explorer Map hasn't moved from his desk, and he's been doing overtime on the laminator.  "How much did you set for a budget?" he threw over his shoulder to me at one point.  "£250, but it got cut to £150.  And there's no money in the Regional Fund anyway."  "Hmmm.  That'll hardly pay for the bacon."  He resumed conspiracy mode.

"If it's Upper Derwent, I'll walk out there."  I announced to Mary on Friday teatime.  It's about 13 miles, and will take three-and-a-half hours.  That means leaving at 7.00am if the other are starting by car at 10.00am"

I was up at quarter to six for a bowl and a half of muesli with hot milk.  The city seemed deserted.  This was strange, because in a week's time when the clocks have changed, everybody will be up.  Ah, chronos time versus kairos time.  The A57 and the footpath to Ladybower Inn were a delight.  At 10.00am I stuck my head round the pub door.  "Any chance of a coffee?"  The lady put down her hoover attachments to get some, while I sat outside in the sunshine.   This was good.

Half an hour later, I was sitting in the sunshine on the wall at the end of the viaduct that leads to the Snake Pass, waiting for our vehicles.  First was Jack's truck, with Titus and Silas on board.  Then Viv drove straight past.  Then the white van.  "Oh, well,"  I thought, I can always make my own way to the carpark and hang around.  Paul rolled up and offered me a lift.  He took me to the wrong starting point.  I never saw the minibus that was supposed to collect me for the more challenging of the two walks on offer.

Eventually we rendezvoused.  It was starting to rain.  We headed up along to Alport Castles.  The group leaders were armed with route directions, some extra teaser instructions that needed to be unravelled to help, a series of puzzles meant to give clues to some (vital to the day!) items hidden away, and a GPS.  However, as time passed it became clear that they hadn't listened at Jack's briefing session.  Stash no 1, found by Mark (who knew about trolls), was a portable stove hidden under a footbridge.  (You see what I mean by vital - no stove = no hot food at the end!)  Stash no 2 was a second stove.  No-one could agree whether the stone cairn we trudged past was the clue.  The stove remains hidden in a pile of rocks as I write. 

We climbed to the top, towards Birchin Hat.  The rain had turned to sleet and the sleet had turned to snow.  The wind had turned up several notches on the Beaufort Scale.  Cloud came down.  Having missed stash 2 some time back, we now spread out, battered by the elements, to try to find it in completely the wrong place.  "It says, 'turn left'".  But a left turn only led over a precipitate edge.

"Bardon Moor,"  I muttered to myself as I sank behind a broken stone wall to wrestle underneath my waterproofs for a drink.  Bardon Moor was another - legendary - Jack-inspired expedition in the middle of December some years ago.  "I'm not staying cooked up in this house another blooming Saturday;" he'd exploded one Friday teatime.  ('This house' was Cad Beeston Manor in Leeds.)   With little over three hours of viable daylight to play with, next day a bunch of guys parked up at Bolton Abbey.  We intended to try and find the beautiful walk that he and Harriet had completed on a glorious July afternoon.  We were caught in a merciless blizzard, with no map.  Only by dint of Andrew and I joggling several miles back down pitch black lanes, did we manage to rescue the minibus before the Abbey carpark locked up for the weekend.

Eventually, someone had the bright idea of a small group returning to the disputed stash 2 cairn to try again.  Meanwhile we'd try to find stash 3.  Almost simultaneously Viv arrived back brandishing an orange thermos flask, and Andrzej found a spade near the broken wall on the top.  We headed down a track to the right, grateful to be moving again, backs to the wind.  Only, the instructions said that stash 4 would be found by walking straight ahead.  

I chatted to John, Josh's old housemate.  Half an hour later, through the trees, we saw the white van and Jack erecting a bright blue gazebo.  Home!  And shelter from the rain.  "No that's not it," he muttered of Viv's thermos flask.  "And where's stash 4?"  Jack explained the clue again, patiently.  A woeful team of four heroes went off to recover a buried tin of flapjack (hence the spade).  Only one piece had survived the internment.  Viv was not impressed.

 I squeezed into the back of the van and thawed out.  Barrie had the engine running and the heater going.  After all, this time last week I was in Kenya's sunshine.  Meanwhile, the other 'slow' party fanned out along the shore of the reservoir to find the frying pans and bacon.  They were following a clue about Gadarene swine, for which Jack had given the wrong bible reference.  Andy fell in a stream trying to find another tin of flapjack.  It's still hidden under a waterfall if you have a mind to search it out.

When hot drinks and the freshly cooked bacon, sausage and fried egg breadcakes began to roll off the stoves (minus one), all was forgiven and forgotten (even by our new friend Muhammad).  We put a group of drivers in the van and ferried them back to the parked vehicles.  This way we could all head straight home when the convoy eventually reappeared.

Once back, Jack asked manfully: "Any lessons?"  "Try and get people to listen when you're giving out the instructions," Paul suggested.  This was slightly more moderated than Mark's: "Next year, I'm organising it."  Hmmm.  I thought it was great.  (But when you're no longer responsible, you can.)